


A Fall From Grace

by xcain



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Catholic Guilt, Drunken Kissing, Gender-Neutral Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized Transphobia, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other, POV Second Person, Smoking, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28504386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcain/pseuds/xcain
Summary: "You were forced to repent, for years and years, for a sin you didn’t commit; so if God hates you, let’s give Him a reason."MC dealing with their idenitity and religious guilt, being brought into the world that seems so similar to what they were taught.
Relationships: Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Kudos: 44





	A Fall From Grace

**Author's Note:**

> The text deals with the themes that you might find disturbing, so please read tags and proceed with caution.   
> Obey me is the first classic dating sim that let me be myself and be loved as mlm, so that's what ended up inspiring me to write this. At first it was planned to be just about MC dealing with their attraction to men as mlm, but the text ended up being vague enough and crossed over with gender feelings, so it can be read either as cis mlm or trans mlm/nblm. 
> 
> I apologize if the wording or formatting is wrong.

The sounds of music and laughter pierce the dead of night, lights from the windows of the Demon Lord’s castle illuminated the back garden, casting shadows and providing just enough light for you not to tumble down the short set of stairs. Despite the high ceilings and enormous rooms, the castle suffocated you, so, feeling out of place you sought salvation in a form of a quiet back garden and a cigarette. Cold Devildom air hit your face, filled your lungs, helping clear out your head and a familiar taste of tobacco eased the feeling of anxiety a little bit. You could feel the slight dizziness of wine hitting your head, but you weren’t drunk, or not drunk enough, as you noted.

The thoughts kept circling in your head, overwhelming you. Not the funniest of jokes, the warmest smiles and the sweetest of wines could distract you and let you enjoy the party for the night. With hands slightly shaking (from the anxiety or the cold air, you couldn’t tell) you bring a cigarette to your lips, taking another drag. The tobacco was strong and bitter, the type that always stays lingering on your hands and clothes, permanently staining your presence with a sharp smell. You remember that the walls of your apartment would also always carry the smell too, the smell of you. The smell of tobacco mixed with the alcohol on your lips, making it even worse to be around you, you thought. How ungraceful.

You didn’t fit in, stuck out like a sore thumb among the noble demons and divine angels, so tall and graceful, used to the lavish parties of their worlds. You felt so small and trapped, the tailored suit sitting on you like a sack, already stained with red of wine and wrinkled. You saw beautiful women, gorgeous dresses spinning in dance, hair flowing in delicate curls and dainty fingers draped in silky gloves, the whole room filled with the sweet aroma of their perfumes; it made your head spin. The demons one by one being swallowed by the waltz, holding their partners dearly and exchanging gentle gazes. And not looking at you. Would the things be different, were you a woman? Would it be you they look at, rest their hands on your waist, and spin with you to the music? Everything would be easier, for you and everyone else if you simply were a woman. A woman loving men. Was your arrival here a simple chance of fate, or was it a divine punishment? After all, you’ve been always told this is where people like you go.

You snap back to reality by an unusually gentle deep voice calling your name. You didn’t hear the back door open, so the oldest brother was already standing beside you, offering you a wine glass. You accept with a nod, taking a big gulp, downing half of the glass in one go. “Should’ve brought the whole bottle” – you said. Lucifer just chuckled in his glass.

“Not enjoying the party, I see? Don’t wanna dance?” – Lucifer asked, now standing beside you, leaning on the same cold metal railing. – “It does get a bit heated sometimes; the hot air can get a bit too much”.

“Just wanted some time alone” – you mutter, with a second cigarette between your lips, struggling to light it. “I’m not much of a dancer, you see” – your voice sounds bitter, almost like the smoke that’s finally releasing into your lungs. “Sorry about that, by the way. I probably reek. Not what you’d look for in a dance partner.” - you say with a chuckle.

Silence.

“We all love you, you know that right?” – his voice sounds more serious than before. You can’t help but laugh, drowning it out with the rest of the wine. The wine is sweet, its making you nauseous and you wish you had something stronger on hand. You’re still not drunk enough, you miss the dizziness, the haze in your eyes, head spinning, with consciousness buried deep into the back of your mind. That way you don’t notice how you stand out, you don’t notice people staring, you don’t worry about what they think and what’s making you drink yourself to death in the first place. With hands shaky, the glass slips out of your grasp, shattering on the stone cold porch. You just curse under your breath and take another drag.

“Hey, Lucifer,” – your speech comes out a bit slurred than usual. “Would you actually mean what you said if I were a woman?” – you could hear a pin drop. Lucifer turns to face you and you could see his worried expression even in the dim light from the castle windows. – “I know you want to keep a secret the reason you chose me for the program. But it’s interesting that when choosing a representative for humanity, you chose someone with the worst qualities humanity has to offer. Or is this why I’m here? Punishment for my sins or whatever, I stopped listening to the preacher a long time ago.”

“You’re drunk. Diavolo has a spare guest room, let’s go” – he holds his hand out, but you slap it away, the sound ringing so loud.

“If I was, I wouldn’t be saying these things. I would be laughing and dancing and passing out, I wouldn’t want to escape” – you know that slap might’ve angered Lucifer, but you don’t care, you meet his eyes with confidence, trying to overpower his own Pride with your weak frame, half-closed eyes and shaky hands. Instead, he just gets closer, his wine glass shattering after yours. His stands tall over you, blocking all the light coming from the castle with his frame alone. You can’t see anything except his face, so close to your own. You wish to kiss him, you wish you were loved back the same way you did. You wish that the curse you were bearing would feel like a blessing. You wish that men would love you as they loved women.

Lucifer closes the distance between you and you drown in his kiss, the kiss of a demon is sweet and deep, and just for a moment it doesn’t feel wrong, you wish to do it again and again, you wish to make up for all the times you didn’t. Is this how sin feels like? Then you don’t mind burning for the rest of eternity, just for this moment alone. You part your lips and can feel the kiss deepen; you let yourself to be completely seduced by the demon. This is what you were always warned about, but never told how happy it would make you feel. You were forced to repent, for years and years, for a sin you didn’t commit; so if God hates you, let’s give Him a reason.

You no longer feel Lucifer’s lips on yours, you open your eyes but don’t want to let him go. Your head is spinning, you finally feel right, for the first time in your life. You take a deep breath and look into his eyes.

“Say, Lucifer. Is that why God hates us?”


End file.
